Monthly Archives: May 2013

Necessities For Your ‘Purpose’ Journey

Let’s get one thing absolutely straight.

Your purpose was given to you by God Himself.

Those amazing skills and talents that you possess are for the sake of serving God and people, i.e. your purpose.

Waaait!!

Please fear not when I say serving God and people. This doesn’t mean that the country should be full of Mother Theresas’ and Ghandis’. Although that really could be a pleasant blessing.

That fact that God wants you to use your talents to serve Him and people doesn’t mean that you are to do it free of charge.

Certainly not!

What I’m talking about is using your gifts and activating your vision to provide a service of real value. People will always pay for a value added service or product.

VISION

I asked a group of delegates at a Communication Skills and Sales course I was facilitating many months ago, what they wanted to be in the future.

I was horrified by their answers.

90% of them said they wanted to be wealthy.

That was all.

No career.

No desire for some sort of fulfilment.

Just loads of money!!

I asked them why.

The general answer was that it would make them happy.

Again, I asked them why loadsa money would make them happy.

Answer – because it would enable them to buy the best cars and build the biggest and best houses.

The fact that they want to buy the best cars and build the biggest houses is not my concern.

What concerns me is that they genuinely believe money leads to joy and fulfillment.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that money is bad.

Certainly NOT!!!

I could certainly do with a lot more of it!! Lol

My point is that having loadsa money is zero guarantee of fulfillment and happiness.

Many of the wealthiest people this planet has ever seen, didn’t set out to become stinkingly wealthy. Their number one aim in life was to add value to mankind.

Ford’s vision was to design and develop a car that every man on the street could buy, thereby Adding Value and Impacting Lives.
The money naturally followed.

Bill Gates’ vision was to have a computer in every home. He sensed the direction in which the world was moving, and recognised that a computer at home would not so much be a luxury but a necessity, thereby  Adding Value and Impacting Lives.
The money naturally followed.

Vision is key.

If you haven’t done this yet, then let me help you.

Get a pen and paper and write down your talents, gifts, and strengths.

Then call those closest to you and ask them what your greatest gifts are. This will most likely confirm what you’ve written down, or in some instances open your eyes to some wonderful things you never realised about yourself.

Next, think of the best and most effective manner in which you can use your skills to add value to people’s lives.

Then write it on the piece of paper.

Once you’ve done this I want you to sit back, relax, and picture yourself using those gifts / skills to serve people, to serve society, to transform society.

Be very very very very detailed.

You now have your vision.

PERSEVERANCE

We all have a beginning and an end, on this planet that is.

You start on one line (your beginning) and hopefully end on another line (fulfillment of your destiny).

What do you think lies in the middle, between the two lines?

Yep! Stress, mishaps, challenges, problems, and all manner of turbulence.

It’s your vision of who you are and where you’re going that will enable you to keep going, no matter what.

You must persevere.

The greats of today didn’t just arrive at greatness by hopping on the 182 bus from Battersea to Chelsea. And if they did, I’m pretty sure that the bus had some tyre and engine problems along the way.

In other words, yes, God has given you a vision and a purpose. But that doesn’t mean it will be plain sailing. There will be many challenges along the way, both at the work place and at home.

During the tough periods, some of those closest to you may even tell you to give up and do something else.

A few days ago, whilst watching the champions league final at a friend’s house, I told him I was really worried that the book agent might not like my book (yep, I recently finished my first book. How exciting!!!!). 

His reply

“Segs, if the agent doesn’t like it then you continue looking for one that does. You don’t just give up after your first few attempts.
The first record producer that the Beatles took their first album to told them that the world wouldn’t like their music.

Can you imagine Segs???!!! He told them that the world wasn’t ready for their type of music.
That guy must have been kicking himself every day for the past four decades!!!!”

My friend is spot on.

Those four lads from Liverpool didn’t give up. They persevered, and eventually found someone that believed in them.

In those desperate moments of anxiety and despair, keep focusing on your vision, keep going, and never give up.

THE RIGHT PARTNER

Can you remember the article I wrote a few months ago titled, ‘What Women Want”?

One very important point I made in that article, is that it is important to ensure that your partner is fully aware of your vision, your purpose, and your determination to fulfill it.

As I’m sure you’ll agree, this is not the type of conversation you have a few days before, or after your wedding. It is a conversation you should have in the early days of your courtship.

Yes, yes, yes, some of you may be thinking ‘the early days??? What’s he talking about? How can one have such a conversation so soon after meeting someone?’

Don’t worry, I’m not saying on day two or three. But you should definitely give a few hints about where you’re going during the first couple of months.

Why?

Because you both need to know whether you’re right for each other; whether you believe in each other’s purpose; whether or not you can withstand the challenges that may pop up along the way; and whether or not you even want to be around to face such challenges.

It will become very clear whether or not you’re right for each other. And if you’re not, then be objective and move on. What’s the point of hanging around?

Time waits for no man, or woman for that matter. Lol

On a lighter note, what is it with these flipping mind games?????

They’re such a waste of time!!

If you ask most men in their late 30s and early 40s (sorry, I can only speak for this particular age group on this one) what they want most, the majority will say ‘peace of mind’.

In what way can the mind games that people play when dating give anybody ‘peace of mind’????

Ladies, if you believe in the direction your man is going and want to help him to get there, then go easy on the mind games. So that his mind can be at peace, in order for him to channel his mental energy into achieving his purpose.

Life is complicated enough.

Let’s try as best we can to leave the mind games out of it.

I really could harp on and on about this particular point. But maybe I’m just getting old. Let’s leave it at that, shall we?!?!

That’s all for today.

Step By Step

We've all experienced it - God, in His grace and mercy reveals something really extraordinary and exciting that He wants you to do. 

Your immediate excitement and passion know no bounds. 

For the next few weeks it's all you can think and talk about.

But therein lies the problem. 

It seems the more you think about it and the more you discuss it with friends and family, the more likely it is that logic and reasoning will take over.

Within a few weeks you're overwhelmed by the vision and begin to believe that the doubters are right. 

Yep, ranging from 'too huge a task' / 'too time consuming' / 'way too capital intensive' / 'surely only the big boys with the big pockets can do it' / so on and so forth. 

Sound familiar anyone?????

Sometimes, you just need to start small. 

Work hard, give it all your heart, mind, and strength. 

Take it day by day. 

Trust that the God who blessed you with the vision will help you develop and grow your project.

For the past eighteen months it's been very clear to me what my purpose in life is; to help people like you find your purpose and achieve it. 

At the start of this year we held a seminar titled - Quest: Discovering Purpose.

The seminar was well attended and the testimonies very powerful. 

But then I got a little ahead of myself and started thinking too big, way too early. 

Before long the other temptations of life - such as that insatiable desire for big projects started to take a firm grip of my thought process. I kept telling myself that getting the big projects would enable me to do the seminars in a much bigger and more effective manner. 

But all the while something kept niggling away at me. That little voice inside me (you know the one - the quiet one that tells you firmly but ever so gently every time you feel frustrated that 'you're not focusing on the purpose I gave you'.

Unfortunately, one gets pretty savvy at ignoring that voice - until you reach a moment of crisis and have no other alternative but to surrender. Lol

What am I saying?

We're all basically looking for three things in life.

1. Fulfillment and happiness

2. Love

3. Financial security

Not necessarily in that order; it may differ depending on your personality and purpose.

The key to fulfillment and happiness is to constantly walk and live your life in line with the purpose God has given you.

Pause!

Ok, I've often tended to shy away from bringing God into it too much when I talk about purpose - for fear of alienating people of different beliefs. 

Not anymore!

I make no apology for my devout belief in the fact that the person who gave you your purpose in life is none other than God Himself.

'With this is mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.'

2 Thessalonians vs 11

You're not here by accident. 

You're not alive by chance. 

God has a purpose for your life. 

Until you start walking in that purpose, you will continue to feel frustrated and vulnerable.

I know because I've been there. 

Love 
We're all looking for love in some shape or form. No matter how many mistakes someone may have made during a relationship or whilst trying to find that perfect relationship, the bottom line is that we are all looking for love.

This is not a message about love and relationships (be rest assured that such articles are very much on their way) so we'll we'll move on swiftly.

Financial Security
We all want financial security. Having little or no money can be one of the most depressing and debilitating scars on one's mind. It can literally make one feel worthless, especially in a country like Nigeria where money is the god we worship on a daily basis! Yes, even (and at times especially) on Sundays!!!

Money is probably the greatest cause of broken relationships. Either not enough of it, leading to anxiety, frustration, worry, and resentment; or too much of it, leading to shallow and material relationships, with little or no meaning and zero substance.

Interestingly, if you ask most young girls these days which they prefer - a man walking in line with his purpose but not yet financially secure, or a man who is already wealthy and is likely to treat them shabbily and rather like a piece of property, the majority will take the latter option. Then wonder why they're so depresssed and beaten (sometimes literally), a few years later.

But alas, that particular subject matter is also for another day.

My point is this - 

God has given you a purpose in life. 

Surrender to Him and chase it with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength. No matter how things may look around you or how deep or otherwise your pockets may be.

There will be moments when you feel so insecure and worried about your financial stability that you almost start to resent yourself and God.

But you have to keep going - plugging away little by little, step by step, day by day. 

Remember, God says His plans are to prosper you, to give you hope and a future.

I'm not just trying to motivate you here people. 

I'm speaking from personal experience.

Right now my bank balance is nothing to write home about. 

But for the first time in a long while, I feel an inner peace inside me.

Why?

Because I've finally surrendered to God and told him "OK Lord, I'm gonna do this thing you've asked me to do. No more half measures from me. No more stops and starts. But that means that you have to provide for my needs. So I'm counting on ya."

God gave you a purpose so that you can have a positive impact on people's lives, on your environment, on society. 

He gave you those skills in order for you to use them to serve people.

He will provide for all your needs along the way.

Finally, for those of you who God has given a purpose and a vision that looks so large and incredible that you dare not think about it, let alone talk about it, I want to tell you a mini story.

A man was walking his dog along a beach that was littered with thousands of star fish. He saw a boy picking up the star fish one by one and throwing them back into the sea.

Startled by the boy's seemingly pointless exercise, the man yelled out,
"Young man, what are you doing?"

"I'm throwing the star fish back into the water," replied the boy.

"But there are thousands of them. What difference will it make???"

The boy picks up another star fish, throws it back into the sea, turns around and says,

"It will make a difference to that one."

No matter how seemingly insurmountable your purpose may look, do not fear.

Just get started.

And take it one step at a time.

Get Up And Walk

As another Premier League season (all-be-it a rather tedious one) draws to an end, with Arsenal once again fighting for that glorious ‘trophy’ of ‘fourth place’, many can’t help but feel that the days of those triumphant North London victory parades are not only gone, but never to return again.

But as I pointed out to my brothers yesterday, in football, everything goes in cycles.

Who could have imagined in the 1980s’ that Liverpool would go twenty years without winning the league title??!!

Just as the thought of Manchester United not winning the league title these days seems quite absurd, a time will surely come when they don’t win it for a very, very long time.

I say that out of the reality of the ‘cycle’ and not out of bitterness or gall.

Honest!

In the same vein there are indeed times in life when one is so steeped in pain and anguish that it seems as though it will never end; as though all the world’s misery has been stored up solely for the purpose of causing you, and only you, neverending days of torture and turmoil.

What am I talking about specifically?

I’m talking about divorce.

Lol…I hear your groans.

“Oh no – he’s on about divorce again. When will he stop????”

The fact is there are so many people going through that pain right now.

People that feel as though they are failures; as though they are paraiahs; that society has not only judged them but also consigned them to endless years of guilt and loneliness.

The basis of Christianity is that of forgiveness.

Jesus told us to ‘go and do likewise’.

In other words He wants us to love and forgive – just as He loves and forgives us continuously.

Yet we christians seem to be the most unforgiving of all.

Rather, we like nothing better than to judge and slander one another.

I recall shopping for groceries in Shopright towards the end of November 2011, a few weeks into the process of my divorce. I bumped into an old friend of mine – a few years older than me and someone I genuinely look up to.

He asked me how I was doing.

I replied, “Actually, not too good. I’m going through a rather rough patch – going through a divorce.”

After his initial shock and sadness he proceeded to tell me what he had been going through in his personal life.

Let’s just say that I was a tad alarmed to hear that he was going through a very similar experience.

He was relieved to be able to speak freely with someone about it without feeling as though he would be judged or deemed to be some kind of failure.

The unforgiving nature of our society encourages many of us to suffer in silence.

Whilst this may seem stoic to some, for many others the anguish of going through such pain alone makes the experience not only much worse, but at times unbearable.

Last year I facilitated a free divorce seminar.

The seminar was a great success, in that it enabled delegates to speak openly about their experience in a non-judgmental environment.

I don’t encourage divorce in any shape or form, and I never will.

If there is any chance that you can mend your relationship then I urge you to do so with all your might.

For those of whom it is too late I say this.

“Get Up And Walk”.

Divorce is NOT your end.

God has not given up on you.

He never will.

And don’t you dare misinterpret what God says about divorce!

Yes – He does indeed hate divorce.

He hates the pain it causes to husbands and wives; and most importantly he hates the pain it causes children.

But He Does Not Hate YOU.

Our God is a God of love, mercy, and compassion.

He still loves you with all His heart.

He has already forgiven you.

That is why His son died – so that your father in heaven can forgive you.

Does God want you to sit at home moping around and feeling sorry for yourself?

Does He want you to hide yourself in shame – forever afraid and ashamed to move an inch?

Does He want you to remain frozen in the memories of your past wrongs?

The answer to all the above????

NO. NO. And NO again.

When Jesus told the paralysed man to ‘Get up, pick up your mat, and walk’ the man, in faith did exactly as Jesus instructed him to.

If he hadn’t done so he would have remained in exactly the same state – paralysed – not able to make any progress.

In the same way, those of you who are going through a tough time right now need to remember and hold on to these words from God.

“My plans are to prosper you, to give you hope and a future”

In other words, whilst everything may seem pointless and horrible right now, you must hold on to the truth that God wants the best for you.

It is NOT the end.

Over the next few months I will be facilitating a series of free seminars, titled ‘Get Up And Walk’.

The first of these seminars is specifically for those who are going through divorce.

Those that need help with;

– accepting their mistakes,

– accepting God’s forgiveness

– forgiving themselves

– moving on with their lives.

In short, those that need to Get Up And Walk.

Date : Saturday, 1st, June 2013

Time : 9am to 4pm

Venue : B Centre, Michaels Building, 1411 Adetokunbo Ademola Street, Victoria Island, Lagos

Fee : Absolutely Free